Don’t worry- I’m not going to tell you that you need to create an altar, light a candle every morning, sit cross legged for an hour, or become a Zen master.

Though of course if those things call out to you, be my guest- they may serve your mental health and wellness in some way.

What I do want you to know is that the science reminds us, over and over, that a regular mindfulness practice changes our brains and creates opportunity for calm, connection, and distress tolerance. And if you are reading this, you know that having more of those things would be helpful. You are likely out of practice.

For most of us, and without regular practice, our thoughts run the show. Our thoughts take over, run wild, and create a perspective on life that is very much based on our thinking about things, rather than our in-the-moment experience of things. Our thinking moves from what has happened in the past to what might happen in the future. We have an experience of regret or uncertainty, and our bodies feel tight or unsettled or numb. Our body is flooded with cortisol. In these frequent instances, if someone asks us a question, we might not hear them accurately. We are less likely to pay attention to the small details. And we act in ways that we later regret. Our non-present mind takes away from what matters most- what is happening now.

Our reaction to past regret and future uncertainty is, quite frankly, a villain in this story. It’s the reaction that brings with it discomfort and likes to take over. When this happens, we get lost in its energy.

And, when that villain enters the scene, it’s so hard to be still! So many of us have developed the habit of doing. Doing the dishes. Doing the parenting. Doing the organizing. Doing the planning. Doing the talking. Doing the thinking. Doing the fixing. Doing it all. And yes, of course there is much to do- you are a mom after all, but many of us keep moving and doing because when we actually slow down, we feel. And as you will keep hearing over and over from me, many of us are not taught how to really feel and, instead, are taught that any moment of emotional discomfort means that something is wrong.

But, you will keep hearing here that there is no problem with discomfort.

So, what is mindfulness practice? And why does it matter? Mindfulness- Meditation practice is defined by Merriam-Webster as a practice in which we

1) engage in contemplation or reflection and

2)engage in mental exercise (such as concentration on one's breathing or repetition of a mantra) for the purpose of reaching a heightened level of spiritual awareness

This practice teaches us to stay with what is, right here in the moment. We learn not to distract or run away or think ourselves out of what is happening now. And right now, right in this very moment, you are ok. You always have been, and you always will be. Even in times of stress or pain or emotional challenge or uncertainty. In the moment, you are ok. But we must be mindful to be in the moment.

You getting the drift?

Important and clinically sound research has proved over and over that mindfulness meditation practice is especially beneficial for all people (that means you, moms) who struggle with depression, anxiety, and chronic pain. What these studies are showing is that changes in brain activity in people who have learned to meditate hold steady even when they’re not meditating. What does that mean for you? It means that after a short practice (let’s say just 5-10 minutes) in mindfulness-based meditation you are likely to continue to remain steady, in the moment, tolerant to stress and discomfort, and less engaged with your thoughts for the rest of the day.

For the rest of the day!

You see, in mindfulness practice, we learn to accept the rambling thoughts rather than engage with them. We learn to accept the physiological impacts of emotional distress rather than need to get rid of them. We learn to ground ourselves in the here and now rather than get pulled away from the moment by those reactions to regret and uncertainty.

We learn to stay here.

Because, usually, the here- even the more challenging emotions and feelings, just comes with the territory of being a human. Of being a mom. Find me a mother who doesn’t have zillion moments of discomfort and uncertainty and I’ll give you a million dollars.

And, for the neuroscience buffs like me out there, here are some important things to know from the research:

• Long-term meditators (those folks who have a regular and on-going practice in meditation) have longer lasting grey matter in their brains as they age. These well-preserved brains are sharper.

(More info here)

• Mindfulness Meditation helps with that annoying monkey-brain that many of us have by limiting activity in the default mode network (DMN), which triggers mind-wandering and thoughts about ourselves and the external world around us. As I know you know, these types of thoughts will lead us toward worrying about the past and future which, inevitably, impacts our sense of happiness and wellbeing.

• Meditation can even change the structure of the brain! Studies that followed courses in Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) found that in the brains of participants, two important parts of the brain increased in thickness- the hippocampus (which regulates learning and memory) and areas of the brain that play roles in emotion regulation actually both get bigger! And these same studies showed that for regular practitioners, the amygdala (where fear, anxiety and stress is born) actually decreased in size. The amygdala got smaller!

(More info here)

• Meditation supports the parts of the brain responsible for concentration and attention

(More info here)

• Mindfulness-Based meditation practices have long-lasting impacts on stress reduction. Like, for example, research showed us that after just 1 8-week class in Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction, participants reported a reduction in stress for YEARS afterwards.

(More info here)

Are you convinced yet?

I know it can feel daunting to start a practice in mindfulness and meditation, but I’m pretty sure it’s worth a try. Here are some important places to start:

1. Find a quiet place with as little distractions as possible (a bathroom? Closet? Extra room where the door closes? Corner of your bedroom?)

2. Find a comfortable posture (make it comfortable! Sit, lie down, put your feet up the wall. Whatever works.)

3. Find a focus for your attention (a specific word that you say over and over, the sensation of your breath, a candle)

4. Do not judge yourself for anything that happens and be open to whatever happens (if you get caught up in your thoughts, notice and let go and come back to the focus of your attention. If you are uncomfortable, shift your body and then come back to your attention. If there is a fly buzzing around your head or you hear children crying in the other room – assuming they are supervised- let those agitations be there and then come back to the focus of your attention.

Does it sound hard? You’re in luck- it’s supposed to be hard. Please don’t buy onto those myths that meditation practice should feel good or that good meditators have quiet and calm minds. Nope, not true. It’s the process of practice with those things that matters, not whether or not those things are occurring.

I’ve had a regular meditation practice for years and I still feel agitated and distracted every time I sit down.

But it works. I feel better.

And it makes me a better mom.