At dinner on my daughter’s 18th birthday, we all went around the table to say something that we felt about her. We do this at every birthday, by the way. It has become an incredible tradition.

Anyway, my husband told our daughter this:

“I know you will be ok.”

They are, perhaps, the most powerful words we could ever say to someone… and he said them to her at just the right time.

Because our incredible baby girl is now an adult. She is ready to fly off into her life. For 18 years, we have woken up to her beautiful face, her sweet sleepy voice, her frustrations, her hopes, her mistakes, and her creative fantasies. And now, she enters the stage of life in which we won’t be with her every day to stand right next to her while she navigates all of that.

“I remember your first day of kindergarten,” he told her. “You were holding your teacher’s hand and crying as you looked back at us. It broke me. That was the first day of your growth towards becoming an adult. And today, on your 18th birthday, you have officially become one. But I don’t have the same feeling of fear and sadness that I did back then. Because I know that you are ok. And that you are going to continue to be ok.”

Think for a moment about what that gave her. 

The trust. The confidence. The belief that she can go through hard things and still come out the other side in one piece.

We teach our children to either believe they need us in order for them to be ok or we teach them to trust that they can be ok without us.

We show them that we are only ok if they think, feel, or act a certain way, or we show them that we are ok regardless of the feelings they have, the thoughts they entertain, or the choices they make. 

We have 18 years to help them understand that pain is a part of life but that this pain doesn’t need to stop them. We get to show them how others will support and encourage them, but that they don’t need to disappoint themselves in an effort not to disappoint others. We get to teach them that emotions will come and go, but they don’t need to attach to them, whatever they may be.

We teach them in those 18 years to believe one of two core truths about themselves:

“I am ok”

Or

“I am not ok”

And our beautiful baby girl believes that she is ok.

Because we believe that about her.

With love,

Kate

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